I'm not an Angel
by rmhale
Summary: Jasper's eye is caught by the beautiful raven-haired boy across the room. In a world of music, sex and perpetual travel...is there room for anything or anyone else? When is comfortable not enough anymore? O/S
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: After looking at the new pictures of Jackson in Nylon Magazine and coupled with my obsession with him and Jerad as a couple...this idea came out and bit me and wouldn't go away.**

**Thank you to all my lovely Twitter peeps who pushed me to do this, voted for POV, and wrote with me.**

**Thanks especially to RayneMoonfyre for picking a title and sending me a song to shape this one-shot.**

**Huge thanks to Coolbreeeze for betaing this bad boy at the last minute...at 3am...ILYSFM woman!**

**Disclaimer: I own tickets to see Idina Menzel...SM owns the rest...**

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_I tear you down_  
_I make you bleed_  
_Eternally_  
_Can't help myself_  
_From hurting you_  
_And it's hurting me_  
_I don't have wings_  
_So flying with me won't be easy_  
_Cause I'm not an angel_  
_I'm not an angel_

_Hate being that wall_  
_That you hit_  
_When you feel like you gave it all_  
_I hate taking the blame_  
_When we both know that I'll never change_

_"I'm not an Angel" by Halestorm_

**JPOV**

The sounds of the crowd singing and screaming were thundering through me. Endorphins were high and the sweat was dripping down my face and neck as I wailed into the microphone. My fingers worked fast and furious over the guitar in my hands. The sound of the drums was pulsing through me, each hit like the thrust of your hips while driving into a hard, lean body. Everything was a blur around me, the sights, the sounds, the smells all whirling into a cyclone surrounding my body and then...there was silence.

_Fuck, it was him._

My mouth was going through motions of singing the words but my eyes...my eyes were trained on him. By the end of the night, he would be fucked out of my system. That's how I worked. When a handsome boy caught my eye, he was mine. For that moment in time when I had him naked underneath me, after the show, it would be him. The elusive boy who had been to our last three shows and innocently eye-fucked me from beneath the black frames on his face. His hair was raven black and spiked into a short mohawk with blue tips that drove me fucking mad. My morning wank sessions consisted of the image of me grabbing onto that hair while I fucked him repeatedly, sinking my teeth into his pale neck while he screamed my name.

The gorgeous boy with the red lips that sang the words to my songs with his eyes closed, had no clue what he did to me. My cock was hard and throbbing through most of the show and he was going to be on the receiving end of it. When he opened his eyes, I closed my own to get a grip. The girls were screaming in the front row, reaching their hands up to me, hoping for the feel of my skin against theirs. All I could think about was the heat of _his_ skin, but I had an image to keep and getting lost in his fiery green eyes lined in black wasn't going to help that.

Leaning down, I tried not to vomit as I gripped the hands of the groupies in front of me, screaming that they loved me, wanted to marry me and pushing panties and numbers into my hands, but I winked at them all and even added a little swagger to my hips as I turned around. At the end of the song, I reached down and grabbed the Heineken next to my mic stand. It wasn't my beer of choice, but it reminded me of the boy's eyes and I couldn't resist. Taking a big swig, I could feel his eyes on me and I took some deep, long swallows for show, so he would know how much I could take of whatever he wanted to give me. I was still thirsty and I wanted to drink from his cock. Later,I would.

Putting down the bottle, I got ready for the next number and he walked closer to the stage and the words "Fuck me" escaped from my lips and into the mic. The girls started screaming and I was ready to grab him and run. The cocky fucker had on a shirt that read "Sorry girls, I suck dicks" and he was staring right at me. The game was over for him too. We went through the next set and I was fucking thankful that I sat at the drums, but he never moved from the spot, never stopped watching me and I was about to explode. His full lips were singing the words and I was desperate to hear his voice, to get an idea of what he would sound like when he lost all control.

I had to fuck him...then forget him...life on the road was no place for feelings and relationships, at least not for me. I didn't want the headache and I didn't need it.

With each passing song, he moved closer and closer until his tall frame was right behind the row of screaming fan girls in the front. The boy perplexed me, he was nothing like I ever desired to take to my bed. I preferred tan men in tight jeans, boots and cowboy hats and I was more than happy for them to keep that hat on while they rode my stallion. He wasn't any of that. From the blue hair to the eye liner to the soft, pale skin and leather studded bracelets on his arms, and fuck me if he didn't have black polish on his damn finger nails; nope, not my normal type at all. But he was fucking beautiful and he was going to be mine.

When the last song was played I was sweaty, sore and so fucking horny I thought I was going to combust on stage. There would be an encore, but before that happened, I needed to find Ben. When the curtain fell, I scanned the stage and found him standing off to the side. Running over to our head of security, my nerves were on alert and there was no way _he_ was getting away again.

"Ben," I said breathlessly. "Need you to do something for me."

The big, beefy bodyguard looked at me and smiled slyly, this wasn't news to him. "Which one is he, Jay?"

I grinned at him, "Gorgeous thing in the front..."

"Doesn't help me, Jay, I don't look at a dude and think 'gorgeous', you know?"

Laughing I said, "Fair enough, black hair, blue mohawk, you know where to send him and do not let him say no." The last part was said with slight desperation, but I needed him.

"What if he does?" Ben asked. "Say no."

"Just don't let him," I said a little too forcefully.

The curtain went back up and the crowd was screaming once again, my eyes quickly scanned the room, but I couldn't find him. My heart started pounding and panic quickly set in. My band mates were talking to me and I couldn't decipher a word. My gaze was frantic as I looked over the entire venue. _Where the fuck was he_? Closing my eyes, I took a deep breath and started singing our final song of the night. We always ended with a cover and tonight was no different.

As the words drifted from my mouth and into the microphone, I felt myself drowning in the lyrics, thinking about how I let him get away. When the crowd started singing along, I opened my eyes to smile at them and there he was, off to the side and goddammit he was pulling a concert tee over his head. The lights reflected off the piercings in his nipples and my voice broke when I saw them.

_How fucking embarrassing!_

Going on like nothing happened, I watched as a lazy smirk made it's way onto his gorgeous face and he never took his eyes off me as I finished the song. It was exhilirating and dammit I wanted to touch.

_Soon enough... _

When the final note was sung, I impatiently waited until it was okay for us to go backstage and I hustled past my band mates and headed toward the dressing room. If Ben did his job, Mr. Pale, emo and beautiful would be gracing my door in the next ten minutes. I didn't even bother to sign any autographs or take pictures, I had shit to do.

Racing into the room, I shed my clothes and jumped into the tiny shower, quickly getting myself cleaned off, nothing like smoke and sweat to make you smell not so wonderful. There was plenty of lube and condoms in my bag and if I had my way, we would use them all. That boy looked like he had a tight ass and I couldn't wait to find out. Trying to tuck the tiny towel around my waist, I shook out my hair and felt it hit my shoulders. I decided to let it air dry for few minutes while I brushed my teeth.

Heading into my dressing room to grab my clothes, I was stopped short by the sight of the raven-haired boy laying on the couch. His lean frame was too long for it and his feet hung over the edge.

_Fuck me...he was wearing boots. _

Neither one of us said a word as he slowly sat up and licked his cherry-red lips. His eyes blazed a path as they followed the lines of my body from head to toe. I hardened instantly and there was no hiding it under the towel.

We both knew why he came.

We wanted the same thing.

I let the towel fall and he gasped, taking in the sight of my cock, lightly thumping against my stomach as I walked towards him. His eyes were on it the entire time and stayed there until I was standing in front of him. His lips were inches from the head and I stifled a groan when his long, alabaster finger swiped the slit and he licked the pre-cum off of it.

That was it, my resolve snapped and I grabbed the blue tips of his hair in my hand, pulled his his head back and looked into his bright green eyes.

"Suck it," I growled.

He reached up to take off his glasses, "Those stay on. Open your mouth baby and suck my cock."

In slow motion, I watched his full, wet lips part and his tongue come out. He looked into my eyes once again as his head went down and he dragged his tongue up the underside of my shaft.

"Fuck," I hissed.

He pulled his mouth away for a second, "I'm not leaving here until you do," and then took my entire cock in his hot little mouth.

_Fuck me, I could cum from the sound of his voice._

His eyes closed and I watched his long lashes lay against his face, the face of an angel sucking me off with the power to lead me straight to hell with his amazing mouth. He moved his head back and forth, sucking, nibbling and those black painted fingernails were digging into my ass. My hands in his hair tightened, and I held him in place as my hips thrust forcefully into his mouth and he opened up more, taking all I gave him.

"Goddammit baby...so fucking good, your mouth..." I was panting and fucking his gorgeous face. My cock looked at home sliding in between his lips, wet with his spit and throbbing to release.

"Want me to cum in your mouth, baby?" I murmured as I held his head in place. He looked up at me and I could see the answer in his eyes. He couldn't respond, his mouth was full of my cock.

"You got it, love," I groaned as I thrust deep into his throat.

"Fuck, baby, swallow me," I cried out as I felt the explosions spurting from my body and the beautiful, exotic creature swallowed it all.

When I was spent and let go of his hair, he slowly let me fall from his mouth.

"Fucking delicious," he said in a husky voice and I hauled his skinny ass up into my arms and finally allowed myself the pleasure of tasting those plump, crimson lips.

Holding his body against mine, I thrust my tongue into the scorching heat of his mouth. I lost my self in a tangle of tongues and teeth. His taste was indescribable, traces of me were like the whipped cream on the sundae, the ice cream buried underneath was the real treasure. I savored it, wanted more of it and hated that after tonight all I would have was the memory of it all.

So I kissed him harder and longer with passion that I never let other experience. He had no idea he was special and I wouldn't tell him, would only make it harder when I sent him home. When our bodies couldn't take anymore, we both fell onto the couch and that's when I realized he was still fully clothed and I wasn't wearing a stitch of anything.

"What's your name, baby?" I asked him.

"Edward," he whispered against my lips.

"That's a lot of name for a boy like you," I told him, studying the features of his face. "But it suits you."

He smiled, "I know your name, Jay." His smile turned into a mischievous smirk. "I say it a lot when I jerk off to the sound of your voice."

_Holy fuck... _

My already spent cock hardened instantly at his words.

"You better take you goddamn clothes off because I'm about to fuck you into next week ," I told him, pushing him off of me.

He stood up and looked down at me on the couch, "Or what?

"Or I'll take you over my lap and spank you," I said in a dark and dangerous voice.

"Holy fuck," he rasped and immediately shed the shirt before taking off his boots and socks. Standing there in his jeans, which were hanging off his hips I finally got to see the natural color of his hair as I followed the trail under his navel that disappeared into the denim. I wanted to run my nose along the auburn line.

"Come here," I beckoned to him, he walked towards me and I grabbed his belt loops with my fingers and opened my mouth against his taut stomach. He was tasted salty and smelled wonderful. While I bit gently into the pale planes of his abdomen, my hands quickly unfastened his jeans and pushed them down his slender hips.

"God...don't stop..." he panted as my teeth sunk into his skin over and over. I ran my hands down his thighs and finally pulled my mouth away so I could see him. He stepped out of his jeans and the vision before me made my wildest fantasies tame by comparison. My idea of perfection just did a one-eighty as I cataloged each of his features into my memory bank.

First, I took in his spiky hair that was now mussed from my fingers earlier, glasses, emerald eyes, black liner, perfect nose and red lips. Second, his lip was pierced on one side, and it was sexy as fuck. The column of his throat led down past his collar bone and to the silver rings in each nipple. Piercings have never done a thing for me, but on him they made me want him that much more. Finally, I memorized his torso. It was long and thin and my hand flew to my mouth when I saw the red bite marks I left on him, it made my cock awaken to see my marks on his body.

When I let my eyes drift further south, I was stunned.

"Oh holy fuck," I said as my eyes roamed the length of his erection. It was nestled prominently among his tightly trimmed curls and there was a piercing under the head of his cock. Never in my life had I seen anything like it.

"Jay," he said with a cocky grin. He clearly knew I was fascinated. "I thought you were going to fuck me?"

Those words snapped me out of my trance and I hauled him towards me. Attacking his neck with my mouth while dragging my teeth down his soft throat, I walked him back until we were at the wall. If he wanted to be fucked, I was going to fuck him so hard I'd leave a piece of me branded inside of him so he would never forget.

Pulling my mouth away, I flipped him around so he was facing the wall. There was an intricate tattoo stretched across his shoulder blades. Goddammit, the boy was full of surprises. Grabbing his hands, I took them and wrapped his fingers around the pipe lining the wall.

"Keep them there, don't fucking move them, okay?" I growled into his ear.

A shiver coursed through his body, "God...yes...okay."

My hands traveled down his arms and moved to the front of his body. Pulling his hips back so his ass was flush with my cock, I asked, "Do you want me to fuck you baby?"

"Yes," he hissed.

My tongue traced the pattern of ink swirling around his skin and he was moaning softly. His hips were pushing back into mine and I let my hand drift down to his cock and take his thick harness in my grip. I held him against me with my other arm and rolled my hips into the crack of his ass as I stroked his cock. It was heavy in my hand and he made the most wonderful noises every time I pulled on the piercing.

"I wanna bury my cock in your tight little ass, Edward," I rasped as I ran my nails down his chest. There would be dark red lines everywhere I scratched and I couldn't wait to see.

"Shit," he moaned incoherently, his hips were thrusting into my hand.

"Are you ready?"

"Yes..wanted this...for so long...with you," he grunted between taking breaths.

I let him go and reached down into my bag for the lube and condoms. I quickly rolled one on and squirted the lube into my hand. Making sure my fingers were nice and slick, I thrust two into his ass and immediately curved them inside of him.

"Oh holy fuck!" He screamed, his voice hoarse and thick with lust. He moved forward slightly before slamming his ass back against my hand. I pushed another finger inside of him, fucking him relentlessly with them.

"Need you inside...please," he whimpered.

"Fuck yes," I groaned as I pulled out my fingers and replaced them with my cock. Pushing all the way in, we both cried out when my hips were flush with the skin of his ass. He was fucking perfect; made for me...tight and hot and oh so right.

Grabbing his hips and holding them in place, I pulled almost all the way out and thrust back in with a hard slam. The force of it pushed Edward into the wall.

"Spread your hands out and brace yourself, you need to hold on tight...I can't be gentle," His hands spread out on the pipe and I saw his knuckles turning white as they held on.

Placing my hands on his shoulders, I furiously shoved my cock in and out of him, our skin slapping loudly and our heavy breathing and groans surrounding us in the quiet room. It was a symphony of lust, passion and sex. His body took me over and over again and each roll of my hips brought me closer and closer to the edge.

Taking his cock in my hand once again, I stroked him like a mad man, tugging hard while I fucked his beautiful ass.

"How does it feel, getting your brains fucked out by me, baby?" I said as my tongue licked up the side of his neck before I bit into his ear lobe.

"So fucking good...don't stop," he sighed. "Never stop."

When he said that, I couldn't handle it anymore, I was about to break my own rule, but I had to see him, look into his eyes while I fucked him.

"Take your hands down," I murmured into his ear.

He let go of the pipe and his hands fell to his sides, I winced as I pulled out of him and then turned him around.

Edward's face was an intense blend of emotions and instead of trying to decipher them all, I kissed his delicious mouth instead. While I was kissing him, I grasped his thighs and lifted him up. He was so slight and his legs wrapped around my hips. I kissed him for another minute before I couldn't ignore my need for him anymore.

"Baby," I whispered. "I don't want to hurt your back on the wall, hold onto the pipe again, okay?"

He nodded his head and smiled, then wrapped his long fingers around it again, only this time he was facing me and I could watch him. He pulled himself up while I lifted his hips so I could enter him once again. Seeing his face as I slid in inch by glorious inch took my breath away. He was so expressive, his face flashing from emotion to emotion until I was buried to the hilt.

"You're mine," I said to him as I held his legs tightly around my waist.

"Yours, all yours," he said as he lifted his hips and dropped down on my cock.

"Fuck me," he said, "Now."

Holding onto him, I started out with slow thrusts that quickly gained momentum in speed and force. His entire body was bouncing up and down on top of me and I couldn't take my eyes off his face. With each push, I lost more of myself to this boy, never before had I felt like this. It was unfair, but I would take what he offered and hoped he could tell in the way I moved inside of him that he was more than just a fuck to me.

"Kiss me, Edward," I sighed as his face bent down to mine. My tongue swept through his mouth with each roll of my hips and my hand was on his cock. Our bodies were moving in sync, hands, hips, hearts and tongues as we raced to the finish line.

"Jaaaaay," he wailed as I felt his cock erupt in my hand, my fingers were covered in his slick cum as his body tightened and convulsed above me. His mouth was open and his head was thrown back. Never in my life would I forget the way Edward looked when he arched his back and came for me.

I couldn't take anymore and when he felt the tremors take over my body, he let go of the pipe and wrapped his arms and legs around me. He sought out my mouth with his and my cries echoed in his mouth as I came harder than I ever had before. He milked every drop from me, clenching his ass around me while his wet tongue traced my entire mouth. He was tasting every inch, taking my flavor with him and leaving his behind for me.

I stumbled back to the couch and sat down with him still straddling my lap. We kissed forever, until our passion calmed down. Our kisses were languid and perfect and I didn't want to stop, but I had to.

"I have to pull out," I told him.

He hugged me to him tightly, "Not yet, please...one more minute...don't wanna feel empty yet."

I ran my hands through his crazy blue hair and smiled into his eyes.

"It's time, Edward...I have to go, but I won't forget this."

A mask of indifference fell over his face and he got up off of my lap and bent down to get his clothes.

"You know why..."

"Save it!" He put out a hand to shut me up. "I really don't want to hear it. I knew...going into this what it was...but...never mind."

I felt like shit as I watched him cover every inch of his body and I couldn't move. I would do something stupid.

"I'm sorry," I said sincerely. I really was.

"Goodbye, Jay," he said to me sadly as he picked up his socks and shoes and headed to the door.

Jumping up in all my naked glory I said, "Wait! Please." I quickly shed the condom and dashed to where he stood.

He turned and looked at me, his green eyes were dull, none of the passion they held earlier was present and it was my fault.

"Will I see you again?" I was horrible, but I had to know if he would come to another concert.

"I don't know, Jay..."

"It's Jasper...my name...call me Jasper."

He sighed and leaned his head on the door, "I don't know, Jasper...this was harder than I thought."

Before I could form a response, Edward walked out of the door.

I threw it open, "Edward!"

He turned around and looked back at me, "Please, come to the next show...give me time...it wasn't just a fuck for me either."

His gorgeous face broke into a huge smile and the boy with the blue hair, piercings, tattoos and leather studded bracelets ran back and kissed me.

"You'll see me again, Jasper...I promise."

With one last kiss he was out the door again and this time I let him go.

For the first time in my life I lost my heart when Edward walked out with it. He sure as hell _better _bring it back.

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**A/N: Lemme know what you think of my boys...**

**PSMW is next, I promise...**


	2. The next time they saw each other EPOV

**A/N: Lookie here…I listened and you get more…these boys would not shut up and they will be a short, probably five chapter story.**

**Thanks to OnTheTurningAway for fixing my shit…I love her with my whole fic lovin' heart.**

**Disclaimer: I own Band Hero…SM owns the rest.**

**Please read important note at the bottom.**

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EPOV

"Come on, you know you want to go with me...please?"

My best friend looked over at me, rolling his eyes.

"What the fuck, Edward? You know that shit you listen to does nothing for me."

I sat down next to him and laid my head on his shoulder.

"Seth, it would mean the world to me and need I remind you of what I did for you?"

Seth was a lot bigger than me, he had four inches on my 6'1" frame and about forty more pounds of muscle. There was no use in fighting when he wrapped his long arms around me and started running his large hand over my hair, it was as good as fucked up.

"Dammit, why do you have to mess up my hair? It's not like yours, I have to fucking wet it down and restyle it, shithead."

He snickered, "Oh, poor Eddie, did I mess up his pwetty wittle mohawk? Did it bother you? Then I guess this will really piss you off..."

Quicker than humanly possible Seth had me pinned on the floor and was straddling my lap. He stuck his finger in his mouth and then swiped it across my eye, smearing the thin line I had just drawn there. I wanted to be mad but his body on mine felt too good.

When I looked up at him, his eyes were full of want and lust and I instantly hardened.

Seth was my best friend, ex-boyfriend and the only other person besides Jasper I had ever had sex with. We were closer than two normal guys had the right to be, but it worked for us. There was no jealousy, no pettiness, but there was love. We loved each other very much, but we weren't in love, we never were and when one or the other wanted to go out with someone else, there was nothing but happiness and encouragement on both sides. Both of us wanted to find a long term partner, but it wasn't in the cards yet.

"Fuck, Seth," I groaned as I tried to buck him off. My hips ground into his and I felt his hardness through my jeans and my eyes rolled into the back of my head. Seth fell on top of me and his hands went under my shirt before removing it, touching me everywhere and it felt so damn good. It had been almost six weeks since Jasper had fucked me in his dressing room and my daily masturbation sessions weren't cutting it. My body needed more.

"Edward, I need you," he groaned into my neck, his mouth moving over my skin. It felt so damn good.

Reaching up, I grabbed onto his thick, black hair and wound my fingers tight. Seth moaned and moved his hips faster, I was gonna lose it in my pants if we didn't get out of our clothes quickly.

"Take off your pants," I panted, trying to still my movements. It was so difficult when I wanted to cum so badly.

Seth finally moved his mouth from my throat and sat up, pulling his shirt overhead as he did. His body never ceased to amaze me. Muscles rippled through his torso as he turned and tossed his shirt to the side and I couldn't wait to lay my body on his hot, sun-burnished skin. He stood and pulled me up to him, I laid my head on his chest and looked at the mirror on the wall. We really were striking. Pale against caramel, slender against thick and his long onyx hair looked amazing against the brilliant blue hues in mine.

My eyes widened in awe as I watched Seth's hand reach down and undo the button on my jeans. I loved seeing his tawny hands on my skin and my cock was ready to burst as I watched him free it and drop down in front of me as he took my pants with him. Stepping out of them, I never took my eyes off of him in the mirror and I cried out when I felt him suck one of my balls into his mouth.

"Oh fuck, Seth," I moaned when his mouth released me and wrapped around the head. In no time he had his nose buried against the base of my cock and he swallowed around me before pulling back, his teeth lightly grazing along the way. He knew exactly what I needed and I pushed my fingers into his hair and wrapped them around the back of his head. My gaze was still trained on the erotic picture we made in the reflection, he was so perfect as he sucked and released me over and over.

When he stopped, I reluctantly turned my head and looked down at him.

"Holy fuck," I whispered. He slowly began his movements, his coffee-colored eyes trained on mine as I watched my cock sliding between his red lips. It was wet and shiny from being in his mouth and I nearly came when I saw his tongue teasing the head. I wasn't going to last much longer.

My fingers tightened in his hair, holding his head in place and I began thrusting my hips into his beautiful face. His eyes closed and he relaxed his throat, taking me even deeper.

"Shit...not gonna last much longer," I rasped as I felt my release rushing forward. Normally I would try and hold out a little longer, but it had been so long since my cock was sucked and I didn't want to stop it.

"Fuck!" I screamed as threw my head back and came hard down his throat. All of my energy drained from me as the last waves hit me, my cock fell from between his lips and I sunk down on my knees in front of him.

"Thank you," I whispered as I took his face in my hands and kissed his lips. It was a chaste kiss, we never deepened them, it was a line we never crossed.

He sighed against my mouth, "Wanna fuck you."

My whole body tensed, Jasper was the last one inside of me and I wasn't ready for anyone else to be there.

I laid my open mouth against his chest and began to kiss my way down, hoping to distract him. His arms reached down and pulled me up.

"Your room, now," he said, pulling me against his chest.

"No," I whispered, "Let me suck you, I want your cock in my mouth." My hand slid under his shorts and grasped his thick cock.

"Fuck, Edward," he whimpered. His hips were thrusting into my hand and I kissed my way down again, not taking my time. I didn't want there to be any room for him to think and want to fuck me. I quickly rid him of his shorts and took his erection between my lips.

"Yes," he hissed. I knelt over him and looked at his face one time before taking him into my mouth again. Seth's face was breathtaking. His eyes were closed and his lips were parted. My hand slid down his cock and I watched his perfect, white teeth sink into his plump lower lip. He was beautiful.

Lowering my mouth once again, I took Seth's cock inside and wrapped my hand around the base. My mouth moved over him, bringing him to the edge and back until he couldn't hold back anymore and he was moaning and pulling at my hair. His body moved underneath me as he sought more friction and then I felt him tense before his hand pushed my head down to his pubic bone, nearly gagging me with his size. I was used to it after all this time and opened up as he shot into my mouth and down my throat.

"Oh, Edward," he cried as I swallowed around him. When he finally stopped moving, I collapsed on his damp chest. His skin was smooth and hairless, I loved laying there. He wrapped his arms around me and lazily rubbed circles into my back.

"So," he said. "You gonna tell me what's up?"

"What's up?" I mumbled into his chest.

"Why didn't you want me to fuck you?" he said softly.

Sighing against his skin, I thought about how to answer that.

"It's him, isn't it? The guy you hooked up with." His arms were tight around me, he wasn't going to let me go until we talked.

I kissed him softly, licking the saltiness from his sternum.

"Don't distract me, Edward. It's not going to work."

Seth rolled us both over until he was hovering over me, his cocoa eyes boring into me, wanting answers that even I wasn't sure of.

"Is he the reason I didn't want you to fuck me?" I said, pondering that myself.

"I don't know, Seth. I guess maybe he is," I sighed.

"Are you going to tell me about him?" Seth laid next to me on the floor, wrapping his arms around me and kissing my neck once while he waited for my answer.

"There's not much to tell," I said. "We had this amazing sex, mind-blowing, like nothing I ever felt."

Seth chuckled into my neck, "Wow, Edward, way to make a guy feel inadequate."

"Shit, Seth, I didn't mean it like that," I turned to face him.

"You and I were never connected emotionally, we both know that," I told him.

"Yeah, I know, sucks," he said regretfully. "I really love you, you know, I only wish it was enough."

"I love you too, Seth, you know that. Sometimes it would be easier if I loved you that way, but what can we do?" I smiled at him and his mouth curved up as well.

"Keep fucking around until Mr. Perfect comes along?" His face darkened a bit when he said that.

"Looks like you may have found him," he said sullenly.

"I don't know if he is Mr. Perfect or if we will even be together again. For all I know I was just another one on a long list of people he has fucked and forgotten, but I am not ready to let go of the idea just yet."

"Who is he, Edward?"

"No one you know, but I am hoping to see him again soon, and I need you there so I don't make a lovesick fool out of myself."

"Is that why you want me at that concert, will he be there?"

"I hope so," I told him, knowing full and well Jasper would be there. It was his show and it was the first one that was close enough for me to drive to since the last one.

"If it is that important to you, dude, I will go with you," he said, leaning forward and dropping a quick peck on my nose before getting up.

"I looked up at him as he redressed, "Thanks, Seth, it really means a lot to me."

"I know, I know, now get up and get dressed. I only have so much will power and even all smudged under your eyes you look sexy as hell." He winked at me and went into the bathroom.

As I stood to put my clothes on, I felt jittery all of a sudden, knowing that by tomorrow night I would see him again. I had no idea what to expect and it's not like we exchanged numbers or anything when I left. I played it coy and only made a promise to return. The rest was up to him.

I knew what he did, I had seen it at almost every concert I had been to. They were all in small venues and he usually left with some good looking man in tow, none that ever looked remotely like me. I wasn't lying to Seth when I told him that I had never had that deep emotional connection during sex before. It blew my mind that I could feel that way, that his body touching and moving inside of mine could burn itself into every cell. When I closed my eyes, I could still feel the fiery touch of his hands on my skin and the strength with which he held my entire body in his arms. When he came and I wrapped myself around him, I felt like that was where I was meant to be. For how long, I didn't know, but I knew Jasper touched me in a way Seth never had.

Was it because I wanted him for so long? Was it because he was famous and I slept with him? I didn't know, but I knew I wanted more. My skin itched to feel him against me once more, but I also didn't want to be just a series of random fucks when he was nearby. Being that he was only the second person to ever have that part of me, it was something I held in high regard and I regretted throwing myself at him so wantonly that night. I would never regret letting him fuck me, but it would be hard to convince him that he was more than that for me when I let him shove his cock in my mouth before he even knew my name.

Maybe he had already forgotten, maybe I was just another fuck to him, but tomorrow night would tell the tale for sure

Getting ready the next afternoon, I was so nervous. The time was drawing near and Seth would be here in thirty minutes to pick me up. Looking in the mirror, I couldn't find a single flaw in my appearance, but I also didn't want to look like I tried too hard. I had enough time to redo the black polish on my nails, they were the one thing that never changed. No matter what I did to my hair or what color I decided it needed to be that day, the nails were always the same.

By the time Seth got there I was ready to tear my head out, but I didn't let it show. We listened to my iPod on the way to the show so I could educate Seth on Jasper's music and lyrics, but hearing his voice was doing nothing but making me picture that night and the sound of his voice when he told me to suck him and the scream he let out when he came. You could hear that same passion in the words he sang and my cock was ready to burst ten minutes into the three hour drive.

Seth was so easy going, he listened and really did try to like it, but he and I would never agree on music taste. We really were opposites in every way. When we finally pulled up at the club they would be playing at in just under an hour, I felt nauseous and my heart was pounding.

"Hey, Edward," Seth said as he took my face in his outside of the club. "It's going to be okay, don't be so upset."

"I don't know what I am doing here," I whispered. "It was a mistake to come." What did I expect? Jasper Whitlock, lead singer, drummer, piano player, trumpet player, guitar player and more, to fall down on his knees and say he felt it too and that he needed me? Not likely.

"We didn't drive all the way here for nothing, man. You need to resolve this one way or another, okay?" he said emphatically. He always knew what I needed, even if I didn't.

"Okay," I whispered.

"I love you, no worries. If it is meant to be, he'll be here and you will know what to do," he hugged me hard, resting his head on mine.

I hugged him back and sighed in comfort when his hand went under the band of my shirt and rubbed the bottom of my back. That always calmed me down, it was working, until I felt prickles on the back of my neck.

_Shit, someone was going to kick our ass for being two guys hugging in a parking lot. _

At the other end of the building, leaning inconspicuously against a tree was Jasper and he was staring right at us. No one else saw him, but there was no way I could miss him. My arms dropped immediately from around Seth.

"What's wrong?" he asked.

"He's here," I said.

"Where?" Seth was looking around, but I wasn't going to point Jasper out. I discreetly looked over at the tree and he was gone. I was a little flustered now that I saw him. Knowing he was really there, even though I knew he would be, but actually seeing him made all the memories so much more clear.

"He's gone, but I saw him," I took Seth's hand and pulled him towards the entrance.

We went in and the first thing I did was go to the bar and order us some beers. It was going to be a long night and I needed to loosen up a bit. By the time the opening act was on their last song, I had had three beers and Seth was still nursing number two. His eyes kept looking around, trying to pinpoint the mystery man we were here to see and I was mute on the subject. He knew better than to push me.

There was a brief intermission while the bands changed and I could hear every tick of the clock in my head as I waited for that red curtain to rise and let me see him.

"Are you ever gonna tell me who it is?" Seth murmured into my ear.

"No, not yet," I said, squeezing his hand once before letting it go.

"Fine, the next band better not suck," he muttered.

"They never suck, they rock, " I told him with a smirk on my face.

_They didn't suck, but I sure as hell did._

When the curtains opened and revealed the man behind all my fantasies, my heart dropped. He looked amazing and I couldn't deny it any longer.

I wanted him, all of him.

My mind was in overdrive, wondering what to do about Seth when the show was over because I needed to see him, to smell him, to taste him and hold him close while he moved inside of me. His eyes scanned the crowd and the minute they landed on me his face hardened. There was no warmth, recognition, nothing. Just a mask that dropped into place.

He looked right at me when he opened his mouth to sing and the rage behind his words made me take a step back. His eyes never left mine as he wailed the words into the microphone. The angry lyrics were making me dizzy and he was singing them all at me and my stomach tensed as I wondered what the fuck I had done to deserve it.

Maybe he was pissed that I showed up, maybe it was his way of telling me that there was going to be no more interaction between us. Whatever it was, I knew I couldn't handle much more. I broke my gaze from his and spun around to head to the bathroom. When I got in there I leaned over the sink and splashed water on my face. After taking a few deep breaths and calming down, I checked my reflection and went to head out.

When I opened the door, the same security guard as last time was standing there.

"He wants to see you, after the show, come find me and I will look out for you," he nodded and walked off.

_He wants to see me? Then why is he so angry? Guess there was only one way to find out._

I walked back over to where Seth stood entranced by the performance on stage. I didn't blame him, they were excellent performers in a live setting. Of course my reason for liking them went a whole lot deeper and had every bit to do with the good-looking lead singer that had gotten under my skin in a way no else had. It was alarming, especially not knowing what was in store for me later. I just hoped he wasn't going to tell me to stay the fuck away from him.

Seth and I stood in silence as we listened to song after song. Never once did Jasper's eyes stray back to mine as he finished singing and my feelings were more and more hurt by the minute, but he wanted me to come to him, that had to mean _something_.

When the curtain drew closed before the encore, Seth finally spoke to me.

"Wow, man, they really are good. Not saying I want the CD or anything, but yeah, not bad to listen to."

Just as I was about to respond, the security guard walked over to where I stood.

"He wants to know if you are coming," the man asked, a serious look on his face.

I glanced quickly at Seth and back at him, "Tell him I'll be there."

The guard walked away without saying another word.

"What the fuck is going on, Edward? Who is it you are meeting?"

"The lead singer, he was the one I slept with," I said with my eyes looking down at the ground.

"Jesus, Edward, the singer? Really? When were you going to tell me?"

"Ummm, now?" I said, afraid of his reaction. He really was protective of me.

"Edward, not to rain on your parade here, but how serious do you think this guy really is about you? How many "you's" were there before you graced him with your presence? How many were there after the last time you left him?"

Seth was voicing every fear I had, "I don't know, Seth. I just know I need to talk to him, is that okay?"

"What do you want me to say? No?"

I shrugged my shoulders, not really wanting to say much else right then.

"Of course, Edward. Go talk to him, go throw yourself at him and come back to me when he hurts you. I'll be in the car."

I watched Seth walk away from me just as Jasper's voice hit me. I turned to the stage and looked up at him. He was sitting on a stool, only his guitar in hand and his hair was falling over his face. The sounds of his voice wrapped around me and the words weaved their way into my heart. He was singing about love and loss and I only hoped he had never felt as sad and desperate as the lyrics were.

Jasper never raised his face until the last note was sung and as the crowd erupted into cheers. He stood, bowed his head and walked off the stage. My heart was straining in my chest, wanting to go to him, but I would soon enough.

"Come on, son," a voice said behind me. The man took my elbow and led me to a similar room as the one he had last time.

"Wait in here, he will be in shortly," he closed the door with a soft click and I was left alone. This time he wasn't in the shower, he wasn't waiting for me. The tables were turned and I was apprehensive about what was to come.

It was about thirty minutes before he came in, and he didn't even acknowledge that I was there. He walked over to where a collection of water bottles stood and unscrewed the cap on one before drinking the entire bottle. His back was still to me when he finally spoke.

"Who is he?" He said in a cold, hard voice.

"Who is who?" I asked, confused.

"Why did you come?" he asked angrily. I wanted him to turn around and look at me.

"I told you I would," I said as I walked up behind him.

He flipped around and grabbed my arms, pulling me to him, "No, why did you come if you are seeing someone?"

I opened my mouth to protest, the realization of what he thought finally dawning on me, but his mouth was on mine before I could say a word. His tongue pushed into my mouth and he ravaged it, licking, sucking and biting like it was his last meal. His arms held me against his body and I wrapped my arms around him. He was sweaty, his clothes were damp and he smelled like salt and Jasper. It was heady and I was losing myself to him when I knew we needed to talk.

I took his damp strands in my hands and held his face to mine, pouring everything I felt into that kiss. How much I missed him, how I thought about him every day. The passion, the need and desire to feel him against me was all encompassing. I wanted to feel his naked body against mine, just as he was, wet, dirty and smelling like smoke and beer. He was fucking perfect and having him back in my arms quenched a thirst I didn't know was there.

He pulled away from my mouth, his eyes never meeting mine as he tore open my jeans and pulled my shirt over my head. Reason was telling me we needed to talk, needed to set the record straight before we did anything else, but I was incoherent in his arms. When he touched me I lost all ability to rationalize, I just knew that I needed him inside me right then. Jasper's hands were yanking at my jeans, pulling them down my hips as he knelt in front of me. I held onto his shoulders as he removed my shoes and pants.

Finally, he looked up at me, his mouth parted, but no words came out. His eyes closed slowly and then he took me into his mouth.

"Ahhhh, fuck!" I screamed, putting my hands on his head, pushing into his mouth.

He took his mouth off of my cock and I cried out at the loss of contact. My body was dying for him to continue, but he had other plans.

He stood up and growled, "Why?", before his mouth was on mine again. I tore my mouth away buried my face in his neck, undoing his pants with my nervous fingers.

Jasper pulled back and took off his shirt and quickly divested the rest of his clothing, before he stood before me beautifully naked.

He grabbed a condom and lube from his bag and I watched in awe as he rolled the condom over his delicious cock, lubed it and then walked over to where I stood.

I was so ready to be fucked by him that I bent over the couch, my ass ready and waiting for him. I felt his hands on my ass at the same time his warm breath whispered into my ear.

"Does he make you feel like this, Edward?" He rubbed his cock in the crack of my ass.

"No, you don't..."

"Shut the fuck up!" he said at the same time I felt the sting of his hand as he brought it down on my ass.

"This is fucking mine," he said, rubbing my ass as I moaned in pleasure. "Mine!"

"Yours, please," I whimpered, grinding my ass back into his cock. I needed him, inside me and I didn't want to wait any longer.

"No, you don't get to be fucked over a couch," he groaned as he teased my entrance by pushing the head inside me then pulling it out.

Jasper pulled me up and turned me around, "You fucking look at me while I fuck you. I want you to know who it is."

"Jasper, please, listen to me," I pleaded.

"Shut up," he said loudly as he picked me up and sat me on the back of the couch. Scooting my ass forward, he lined himself up with me and pushed in.

"Oh, fuck," I moaned as he drove all the way in until his hips were flush with my ass. His already damp skin stuck to me as his hips thrust into me angrily.

"Why," he slammed his hips into mine, "did you bring him here?"

He was hammering into me over and over again, my glasses fell off my face with the force of his body surging into mine.

"Not...what you...think...oh god...don't stop," I grunted as his balls slapped against my ass.

"Wanted to see you," he said before biting into my shoulder, the pain and pleasure of everything he was doing to me making me spiral out of control.

"I didn't...want to see you...fuck...ahhh...needed this...you," his hips stilled and he looked me in the eyes.

"Who is he?" he asked again, holding me on the edge of the sofa, not moving at all.

"My best friend," I said breathlessly. he didn't need to know anymore right then.

"Best friend?" He said as he picked me up easily and walked around to sit on the couch with me straddling his lap.

"Yes," I whispered. That one word hung between us for an eternity before he groaned and kissed me with all the passion he had the first night we were together.

Jasper's hands were on my ass, lifting me up and I knew what he wanted. I put my hands on his shoulders and moved my self up and down over him, feeling him slide in and out of me while he devoured my mouth with his teeth and tongue. He fit perfectly, everything I felt the other night came rushing back stronger. There was no way I would get enough of this man anytime soon and I hoped, if his actions were any indication, that he felt the same way.

It wasn't long before his body was thrusting up into mine with each downward pump of my hips. He had my cock in his long fingers, stroking up and down with his mouth against my throat. His body tensed under mine and he screamed my name as I felt him pulse into me, his eyes closed and mouth parted. He arched his back when he came.

He was gorgeous.

Jasper stroked me a few more times before I followed him, spilling into his hands and all over our laps. My head rested against his neck when we were through and I licked the sweat running down the side. His taste was like no other and I wanted to lick his entire body, but I was too tired.

"Sorry, Edward...so fucking sorry," he sighed.

"Shhhh," I said. "Don't say anything, just feel."

There was plenty we needed to talk about, things we were going to have to figure out, but right then, I had everything I needed.

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**A/N: Reviews make me write more…just saying…and by the way, you guys blew me out of the water with the number of reviews in the first chapter, so thank you!**

**IMPORTANT: I know I promised you PSMW and I do write a little every few days, I promise. I know it has been awhile, but if you follow me on Twitter you know there is something really sad going on in my life right now and it is very hard for me to sit and write something that takes me to a sad place when I have enough sadness right now. Please be patient with me is all I ask, I hate this, I really do because I do not want to let you down.**


	3. Miscommunication

**A/N: Eclispse…Jasper…uniform…accent…I died…that is all.**

**Thanks to OnTheTurningAway for fixing my shit, always…I love her.**

**I own nothing…or I wouldn't have had to wait in line to see the movie.**

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JPOV

Sitting in the dark room holding Edward, my mind slowly began to focus. His long, lean, damp body was sitting astride mine as his limbs wrapped around me. I felt the pounding of his heart against my chest as he breathed in and out heavily. Holding tight with one arm, I reached up and tangled my fingers in his sticky, wet hair. My lips traveled up and down the warm, salty skin of his throat as whispered apologies poured from my mouth.

Edward kept whispering, "Shhh, no sorries," as he laid against my body, but I felt awful. I made angry assumptions and was incredibly rough when I fucked him. He deserved better than my temper. My stomach had been in knots before the show, like it had been before every show since I had last seen him. He left me with a promise that I would see him again, but we never said where or when. I kicked my own ass repeatedly for letting him walk away without a way to contact him. Had I gotten a number or email, there would never have been six weeks from the last meeting to this one.

Seeing him in the arms of that man outside the club sent me into a fury. Of course we never promised to be exclusive, but if he felt the same connection I did in that room, I didn't understand him bringing another man with him if he came to see me. As angry as I was, there was no way I could let him leave without talking to him again, to at least hear from his perfect lips that I was nothing more than a groupie fuck to him. I had plenty of those under my belt. I was a young, healthy male who loved sex, but no one I'd ever had compared to the amazing feeling of being buried deep inside of Edward.

We really did have a lot to talk about, but right then I was content to just feel him against me. We sat that way for a few minutes before Edward began to disentangle himself, but I held tight. I wasn't ready to let him go.

"Jasper," he said, his voice raspy and low. It stirred up the emotions in my body, making me want him again.

"Hmmm?" I said, nuzzling his neck.

"I need to go, my friend is waiting for me."

I stopped and froze, grasping his hips hard.

"What do you mean?" I said, trying to keep the anger out of my voice.

_Why the fuck was that guy waiting for Edward? _

_I thought he came here to be with me, did he not want that?_

_Did he want another fuck and run?_

_Shit!_

"Seth came with me, to the concert, we drove here together," he said as he got up off me.

He was fucking gorgeous, standing there pale and naked. His black and blue hair a wild mess but my favorite colors on Edward were his green eyes and short, auburn curls at his groin. I could just imagine what he looked like with that wild, red color jetting out everywhere on his head when he woke up in the morning. I bet it was a wonderful sight and one I wouldn't mind seeing one day down the road.

The blue hair wasn't my thing, not at all, but it only made him that much hotter to me. On him I loved it and if I never got to see his natural color complementing those brilliant eyes, it would be fine. His body really was perfect. He was thin, but his muscles were tight and I wanted to be able to have a day where I could savor ever inch of him. I wanted to taste every inch of his skin on my tongue. I wanted to take my time, bringing him to the edge over and over again until his body was begging for release underneath me. There would be nothing more breathtaking then the sight of Edward letting go, screaming my name as he came.

I needed it, to take my time with him, tonight.

"I can take you home," I told him. "Can't you call him and tell him to go on, let me take you back to the hotel? Spend some time with you?"

We had a five day break before the next show and I would gladly spend three of them getting to know Edward better. He wasn't meant to be a fleeting memory. He was meant to be more, I could feel it, but I didn't know realistically how that would work.

Edward was putting on his clothes, slowly covering up every bit of white skin that was begging for my touch.

"I can't do that to him, we live three hours away. I won't ask him to make that drive alone this late at night. We will figure something out."

It was really bothering me that he was being so nonchalant about it all, but miscommunication seemed to be the issue we had before, so I didn't want to make assumptions about him and what he felt for me. I needed to figure out the right thing to ask without sounding like a pansy. There was the nagging feeling in the back of my mind that this man could be important to me, but in all reality, I wasn't ready for the kind of commitment that would be required in a long-distance relationship.

The answer for the time being might be to just keep the lines of communication open between us, seeing each other when we could and trying to figure out if this was even something that we both wanted to pursue. As much as it bothered me to leave it like that, what the hell kind of start is a relationship based on looks and a good fuck? It isn't and I had a life totally separate from him.

The thing is, right then, I wasn't ready to watch him walk out again.

"I'll pay for his hotel," I blurted out. "We need to talk. I really don't want you to leave before we do that."

Edward was fighting a smile, trying to keep his face serious. It was...endearing.

He looked down at me, "Jasper, put on some clothes please. Then we can figure this out. I need to call Seth, I'll be right back in."

Edward gave me a chaste kiss, groaning slightly. My eyes closed, inhaling his scent while savoring the fleeting touch of his lips to mine. He stood up and walked out the door, leaving me alone to think.

I grabbed a quick shower, just fast enough to wash the concert grime off, dressed and went back into the dressing room. It had been about ten minutes, but he wasn't there. My heartbeat accelerated as the slight panic set in.

_What if he didn't come back?_

I headed for the door, wet hair, no shoes and all. As I placed my hand on the knob to open it, I heard Edward's angry voice. He was obviously arguing with someone. Very quietly, I opened the door and tried to hear what he was saying. It was a such a high school thing to do, but I would do anything to keep him from leaving and if this argument were going to cause that, I would go after him.

"It isn't like that," he said angrily, and I could just imagine him running his hands through that damn blue hair.

"No...Seth stop...you don't understand..." he huffed and I could hear him walking down the hall.

"No, I get it...I'm sor...fuck you, I didn't know it would," his voice was getting closer again and I made sure the door was only cracked.

What I heard next made my blood freeze and wish I had left the door closed and stayed oblivious.

"Yes, I did...no," he whispered. "Why would I tell him that?"

_Tell me what?_

"Seth, I love you, you know that...I'm sorry, if I had known...I know, I wouldn't have either..."

With that I shut the door and sat down. I felt sick. He fucking lied to me.

Images flashed through my mind of Edward and the good-looking Native American boy with black hair.

_Naked._

_Writhing._

_Screaming._

_Fucking._

_Sucking._

It was more than I could handle. I jumped up, picked up a bottle of whiskey and threw it against the wall because the image that hurt the worst was the one in my head.

_Edward and the boy, laying in bed, sweaty, snuggling and saying I love you._

At least I had my answer, I knew what Edward wanted.

A fuck. To say he had me. Bragging rights and to be a groupie. A whore...in the name of screwing the famous.

It wasn't a new concept to me. In fact, it was commonplace.

With Edward, I'd hoped it might be more.

Gathering all my stuff together, I decided to make a getaway before he came back, saving us both the awkwardness of goodbye. Taking a last look around, I opened the door to leave and there was Edward. I tried to brush past him, but he stopped me with a hand on the arm.

"What's going on?" he asked. Edward's face was a mask of confusion, but I wasn't falling for it.

"I'm leaving," I said, successfully pushing past him.

"Jasper, what?" he sputtered.

I kept walking, refusing to be reduced to begging for answers. It wasn't my style. I was a proud, independent man who was just fine all on his own. There was no need for anyone in my life. I didn't have anyone before now and I couldn't believe I had been willing to think about changing for a man I barely knew.

I heard him jogging up behind me, then his hand clamped down on my shoulder. He spun me around and I dropped my bag.

"Is that it?" he asked. "We're done?" His eyes were wide with disbelief.

Rolling my eyes I said, "We never began."

I tried to shrug him off of me, but he put both hands on my shoulder, digging in almost painfully.

"Why?" he whispered. "I thought we were going to talk...I...okay...I get it."

He had a look of pain on his beautiful face, but I was trying hard not to fall for it.

"You get what?" I said, anger lacing every word. "That you lied to me?"

"Lied to you? About what?" he asked, fingers clenching harder.

"Your best friend," I spat.

"Lied how, Jasper?" he asked incredulously.

"I don't have time for games and I don't have time for you," I told him before ducking under his arms and freeing myself from his grip.

I took off at a fast pace, heading for the back door, determined not to throw myself at the feet of the pale, skinny punk boy whose body was calling to mine.

"Wait! Please!" he called out from behind me. His voice broke on that last word and I stopped, not looking back, but not moving forward.

"What did I do?" he said softly.

Turning around slowly, I looked at Edward. He was crouched down in the middle of the hall, head in his hands.

I wanted to walk away, but I couldn't, so I asked the question I was sure I didn't want the answer to.

"Edward, I am going to ask you something one time. Please tell me the truth."

He looked up at me, his eyes brimming with emotion, and nodded.

"The boy you came with, your best friend...is he more than that?"

"More than friends?" he said with an edge to his voice.

"Answer me," I said coldly.

"Yes, we're more than friends. He's my best friend, means the world to me."

Edward was looking away from me.

"He's my ex boyfriend as well, but that has been over for some time."

_I fucking knew there was more._

Knowing they had been together made all those lovely images appear before my eyes again. There was no doubt the boy was handsome. Even if I didn't know Edward, looking at them together I would have thought they made a striking pair. He was, in my mind, definitely more suited to be with Edward. They just looked like they went together, but then, I never really saw myself with anyone.

"Ex? And now you are friends? That doesn't ever work...well maybe in the movies." I said as I started to pace a short area in the hall.

"Look, I talked to him, Seth, by the way," he said. "He is going to go to a friend's house who lives here, can we go talk? Please?"

He walked over to where I stood.

"Can we? Or do you want this to be it for us?"

I looked at Edward, still a sexy mess from me fucking him earlier.

Did I really want to deal with the drama?

Did I really want to care?

I didn't know what to fucking do, but at the very least, if I took him back to my hotel, I'd probably get to fuck him at least once more.

If we said goodbye after that, hopefully he would be fucked out of my system.

I didn't let him see how he really affected me, I kissed him.

"Let's go," I whispered, reaching down to take his hand in mine. His long, warm fingers wove through mine. It was a perfect goddamn fit.

I only meant to take his hand to pull him along, but he held tight and after a few moments...I held his back.

Edward drove us to where I was staying, and on the way there we didn't say a word, we didn't touch and the silence was thick with tension. My head was waging a war inside while we flew through the streets. Once we got to the hotel, I knew I would be forced to make some kind of decision and I was fearful that I was going to make the wrong one. There was just no way I saw this working in my head that wouldn't cause unnecessary stress for either of us. We were both young, lived in separate cities and honestly knew nothing about one another.

I wondered if Edward would be okay with just seeing one another when I came to town, a casual affair. It would be best for both of us. We had great sex, no, I take that back. The sex was fantastic, out of this world...I was rock hard thinking about it. I'd never been the kind of person to have a different fuck in every city, but I would love for Edward to be available when I came to town.

There.

Decision made.

When we arrived, we headed straight up. I'd already checked in earlier and I was glad, I needed a drink.

"Want anything?" I asked as I poured myself a shot of tequila.

"No," he said softly as I felt the burn of the liquor down my throat. I poured one more and slammed it quick before turning around.

Edward was standing against the wall, hands in his pocket and watching me closely.

"Is bringing me here so stressful that you had to drink first?" he asked, a hard look on his perfect face.

I decided to be honest with him, hoping he would be the same with me.

"I've never done this before, Edward."

"Done what?" His brows were furrowed and his head tilted to one side.

"Slept with someone more than once. I don't really know what the right thing to do here is." I was agitated, I had a feeling I was about to royally fuck up, but I was not a good conversationalist. Too bad I couldn't pull out my guitar and sing this to him, it might have worked better.

"So you what? Fuck them and move on to the next city? New fans, new fuck?"

Edward wasn't the least bit amused by his statement, but it was 100% fact. We both knew that, he had been to my shows before I ever touched him.

"It's best that way, in my line of work. Forming...attachments isn't in my best interest," I said cautiously.

"Then why am I here?" he asked.

"I don't know, Edward, I guess I was hoping to see you again next time I passed through this way."

He clenched his his fists at his side a few times before answering.

"So, you don't want me to form an attachment, but you want to fuck me when you pass through town? Am I getting this right?"

Edward sounded a little angry and I needed to tread lightly.

"Well, not exactly. It's not like I would only want to fuck you, we can talk via email, learn a little more about each other in the process."

"Well how nice, 'Dear Edward, what's your favorite color, I'll be in town next week, are you busy? Do you want to fuck?' Gee Jasper, that sounds wonderful." His voice was laced with sarcasm.

"What the hell do you want from me Edward?" I said, getting pissed that this wasn't working out like I thought it would.

"Let me ask you a question, Jasper," he looked me right in the eye, his eyes as vibrant as a lush, green rain forest.

"Do you still fuck your way though your tour? Take home a different man in each city? What am I supposed to do? Sit and wait for your call? Oh wait...I mean email?"

His voice was starting to rise, getting louder and louder. The way he worded it made me sound like a manwhore.

"What about me? Who do I get to fuck in the meantime? Seth?"

As soon as he said Seth's name, a bright red curtain of rage fell over me. I had no right whatsoever to be mad, but for some reason, it felt like he had lied to me.

"Are you fucking him now?" I asked, seething.

Edward walked up to me, his face inches from mine.

"I nearly let him fuck me today," he said evenly. I felt like punching something, but Edward stepped closer, placing his mouth on my ear, "I sucked his big cock instead."

I shoved Edward away from me.

"Fuck you," I spat.

"No, Jasper, fuck you, fuck your e-mails and fuck screwing me at your convenience."

He turned to leave and I felt like puking. I _did_ royally fuck this up.

"Edward, don't," I yelled, reaching out and unable to grab him.

"Why?" he said angrily. "What's the fucking point?"

"Give me one chance, please...to make this right."

He stopped with his hand on the door. His back was to me, but he wasn't leaving, so I continued.

"I have no right to say anything about you and Seth, but shit, Edward, you said you were friends."

"We are friends," he said quietly. "He's the only one besides you I have ever slept with, not that it means anything to you."

I sighed and rubbed my face. His words made me feel happy and upset all at once.

"It does mean something to me Edward. In case you haven't figured it out yet, you are more than just a fuck to me." There, I said it and it wasn't as scary as I thought.

His shoulders slumped forward and he rested his head on the door, saying nothing for a few minutes.

"What do you want from me, Jasper?" he finally said.

That was a good question, what did I want?

"I want you," I said simply.

"You, Edward...in any capacity I can, I guess. That was why I suggested what I did."

He finally turned around and the look on his face nearly brought me to my knees.

I had hurt him. I never meant to.

"When you come to the city?" he said, obviously not happy with that scenario.

"I don't know, Edward, honestly." I took his hand in mine and he let me lead him to the couch.

We sat facing each other.

"I don't think it is realistic to say we should try any kind of long distance relationship. We don't know enough about each other, but I like you...a lot."

He had a half-grin on his face.

"I like you too," he said softly, looking at me from under his lashes. It made me want to pull him into my arms and hug him.

"What do you think we should do here, what would make you happy?" I asked him, hoping he wouldn't ask for more than I could give at that point.

He raised his head," I want to get to know you. Talk to you, on the phone, on chat, by e-mail..."

I nodded slowly, "That is doable."

"Jasper?"

"Yeah?" I said.

"What do you want from me?"

"The truth?" I asked.

He looked at me with a slight smile, "Yes, the truth."

"I don't want you sleeping with Seth...if you do, I don't want to know...wait, yes I do...no...can you just not fucking do it? Please?"

I sounded like a jealous idiot.

"I mean, I don't expect you to stay celibate, but I would rather it be a random thing that doesn't mean anything instead of him."

Oh my god, I _was_ a jackass, but I couldn't help it.

"I don't do random fucks, Jasper," he said. I could tell he was irritated. "That is your department."

"I wasn't implying that you did, I just...I don't know...fuck!"

I was searching my brain for the right thing to say. I needed this boy in my life, in any way.

"You never answered me earlier."

I looked up at him, "In reference to what?"

"Are you going to continue to fuck your way through each city?"

I scooted a little closer to him and took his hands in mine. My whole body felt alive when I touched his skin and even just holding his hand made me tingle.

"Edward, right now, I can't imagine touching anyone else but you, it just wouldn't feel right...but I won't make any promises."

He hung his head a little, I knew it wasn't the answer he wanted.

"I won't lie to you, Edward. I really can't fathom doing anything we have done with anyone else, but on the road, sometimes I need a release."

"How many?" he whispered harshly.

"How many what?" I said.

"How many guys have you fucked between the last time and today?" he hissed.

"Only you, I promise," I said, pleading with my eyes for him to believe me.

"Really?"

I nodded.

"Why? How?" he wondered.

"I kept hoping you were going to show up, no one else came close." It was the truth, I really only wanted to touch Edward.

"Promise?" he said.

I rolled my eyes, "Yes, I promise."

Edward launched himself at me, straddled my lap, grabbed my face and kissed me. He pushed his tongue into my mouth and I opened mine for him as I wrapped my arms around him, holding tight to the boy I almost lost tonight.

We kissed passionately. Our mouths bruising and biting and ravishing. Edward on my tongue was a taste I would never tire of. I licked and nipped and savored. Our simultaneous moans and groans echoed around us in the empty room. He was grinding his hips into mine, our cocks moving against each other until I felt like I was going to explode.

Pulling back slightly, I said, "I want you."

He was breathing hard against my mouth.

"You have me," he rasped.

Closing my eyes, I rested my forehead against his, and kissed him gently, chastely. My lips touched his over and over again. My arms were around his waist and his were around my neck. It was intimate and perfect...my earlier fears were unfounded.

This boy was amazing.

He was mine.

"Will figure it all out, I promise," I whispered before kissing his bottom lip.

"Okay," he said quietly.

"Stay with me tonight?"

He smiled at me and I knew it was going to work itself out. Edward stood up, took my hand and pulled me up. We hugged for a few minutes, glad all the tension from earlier was gone. He walked me into the room and we took off our clothes before crawling into bed. I held him against my body, his lean frame fitting perfectly along mine, his naked skin burning into mine. I closed my eyes when I felt his fingers intertwine with mine. For the first time in my life, I fell asleep with someone next to me and I knew then I would want Edward next to me for a long time.

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**A/N: I am participating in the Fandom Gives Back auction and still have one auction left, the outtakes sold, but I can still do that if you want…this is for your own, original o/s and let me tell you…if anyone is interested, I have had a Jasper/Riley one-shot in my head since I saw the movie.**

**It could be yours or any idea you have rolling around in your head. Keep in mind it is for kids and cancer…please bid!**

**Link is : **www(dot)thefandomgivesback(dot)com/item(dot)php?id=399

**Check out all your favorite slash authors there as well!**

**These boys have two chapters left...give them some love!**


	4. Catch me when I fall

**A/N: This chapter did not go along with the outline I had planned but when your characters tell you what to do, you have to listen.**

**Thank you do much to Zigster for holding my hand and encouraging me, this was not easy to do, those who know me will see why. I love you my panda.**

**Huge thank you to OnTheTurningAway, my bestie and beta. She held my other hand, told me I could do this and pushed me to get these boys in the right place.**

**I had plans to get other stuff done first (which is in the works), but the SBL concert made these boys front and center in my mind. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own shit…thanks!**

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EPOV

In the past seven months I had learned a lot about myself.

My eagerness to study and hunger to learn had dwindled. I was still maintaining an A average, but it was taking me twice as long to study for those grades. All the time and effort I had always put into my college education was now being divided amongst school and a certain flaxen-haired boy who was driving me crazy.

My concentration in class had gone to shit.

I learned that I had the patience and understanding of a saint. If that weren't the case, I wouldn't be packing the suitcase on my bed to try and surprise the boy.

It had been a tough and twisting road.

Nothing about falling in love with Jasper had been easy, but I was ready to admit it.

I was in love, I wanted it all.

I wanted the exclusivity, the fidelity, to be able to introduce him as my boyfriend and somewhere down the road as my partner.

My stomach was churning at the thought of having the talk with him.

I still didn't know if I could tell him I loved him, but I definitely was going to tell him that it was time to decide if I was enough for him.

As time had gone by, he slowly stopped the trail of groupies, or as I so fondly called them, fuckers who touched my boy.

Ever since we decided to get to know one another better, I had only seen him in person five times. We had spent hours on the phone, talking until we fell asleep. We had exchanged countless emails and instant messaged while I was supposed to be studying.

It had been enlightening to say the least.

We had fights, some big ones. We were both spirited individuals, but when it came down to it, I was the one more easily hurt.

He had a few years on the road to grow a tough outer shell, to keep people out of his life and keep the personal to himself.

That was where we had battled the most.

I needed him to let me in and until recently, he had kept me at arm's length.

The number of boys he had hooked up with had been fewer than I thought, but more than I hoped. It had only been in the last six weeks that they had tapered off to nothing. That was why I knew I was ready to do this, because I thought he might be too.

My eyes teared up when I thought about other hands on him, but we agreed, I never let Seth touch me again and I was never one for random fucks, so I had no one else. Besides Seth, Jasper was the only other man I had had sex with.

Sex was not casual for me, it meant something, even with Seth. I never would have carried on with Seth if I didn't love him, I was just not in love with him.

In my heart, Jasper was mine and no one else should get to touch his warm skin, taste the salty sweetness of his neck, or slide their hands down his pants. My throat constricted and I swallowed as I swiped hastily at the tears. This night could define my very future and I was so fucking nervous.

I understood when we agreed to get to know one another, he made no promises of fidelity, and I was lucky we hadn't burned out. My only consolation was that he didn't kiss any of them and he didn't fuck them.

Unfortunately for me, that meant they still got to feel him in their mouths and taste the sweaty sheen of his skin after a show.

My boy loved to have his cock sucked and to him that was a lot less personal that fucking.

He did that, for me, even though I knew he would have loved to have had sex with any of them. It was a big step and I appreciated it.

He knew the knife twisted in my gut anytime he told me, but we promised honesty and I was stupid enough to have to know.

The times I had seen him, the sex had been amazing, better every time. The problem was, I still didn't feel like we connected fully at an intimate level. We hadn't made love, just fucked, because although we had a deep affection, neither one of us named it.

I was ready to.

A smile graced my face as I thought of surprising him. I told him that I couldn't make it, that I had finals. Truth was, I had my last final today and was flying out to Detroit to see him. I had already talked to Ben and he told the front desk to leave a key for me. I would be in his room when he finished the concert.

It was going to be perfect.

When my flight landed in Detroit, I was met by a driver and ferried over to the hotel. It was a beautiful establishment and little did Jasper know that Ben helped me arrange, with his manger's approval, a weekend stay for us. If things went my way, Jasper and I would have four days locked in the hotel with only room service to interrupt us.

I was looking forward to it. I really hoped I wasn't going home without an answer.

The front desk gave me the key and I went into the room. As soon as I walked in, I could smell him. That wonderful musky, male scent that was all his. Smiling big and all of a sudden feeling like a child, I ran and dove onto the bed, burying my face in his pillow and wrapping it around my face.

I inhaled and sighed happily. Yes, I definitely needed this man in my life for a long, long time.

Looking at the clock, I saw I had about three hours before he should be back, the show had already started. I called down to room service and had them schedule a time to deliver champagne on ice and strawberries.

They were a lot less messy than chocolate. While food play always sounded sexy, the thought of the sticky mess left afterwards made my skin crawl. Maybe one day I would be a little more adventurous. That's what showers were for, right?

I looked fondly at the whiskey and tumbler he had already had laid out; he always had a drink to unwind after a show. If I had my way, he would be losing himself in me instead.

It was almost time for him to come back to the room. I had showered, put my things away and given myself a big dose of bravery in the form of my sister's encouragement. She was one of the few people who knew about Jasper, she could keep her mouth shut.

Another half hour passed before I heard the rattle of the door knob, I was standing in the corner. I had left the curtains open and room was only lit by the moon and lights of the city.

Jasper walked in, dropped his guitar case and pulled his t-shirt off as he walked towards the table with his whiskey.

He ran a hand through his sweaty hair, then poured himself a drink. I slowly made my way over to where he stood and wrapped my arms around him from behind.

"Look," he said in a harsh voice as he stiffened in my arms. "I don't know who you paid to get in here but..."

I placed my mouth against his neck and he whispered, "Edward."

"Surprise," I murmured into the damp skin of his throat. He was dirty and sweaty and delicious.

"What...how?" he asked as my mouth moved up his neck and he lolled his head to the side.

Jasper turned in my arms and looked at me with those clear blue eyes, "I needed you so bad."

His mouth was on mine and his hands came up to grip my hair. Jasper arched me back as he pushed his tongue into my mouth, kissing me long and deep. I wrapped one leg around his thigh to hold him even closer.

Attempting to grind myself into him, I lost my balance and we both went down to the ground.

"Anxious?" he asked as he rolled on top of me, smiling at me before kissing me once more.

I wrapped my arms and legs around him, keeping him close and letting him feel everything I wanted. His skin was so hot and my fingers dug in deep. I rocked on my back, loving the feel of his hardness against my own.

It had been too long and I was about to spiral out of control, my muscles were tightening and it was about to be over to quickly.

Pulling my mouth from his, I rasped, "Jasper...stop!"

"No," he growled, pushing his cock into my hip and groaning.

"Oh, fuck," I screamed when I knew I couldn't hold it in. It only took two thrusts of my hips up into his and I was cumming hard and fast like a sixteen year old virgin. It felt too good to be embarrassed, it had been so long.

Just as I readied myself to apologize, I felt Jasper dig his fingers into my hips and cry out, "Edward...oh, Edward."

His body shook above me and he bit into my neck before running his tongue up the side.

Jasper stopped when his mouth reached my ear and laughed. It was a beautiful sound.

"This was a mind-blowing surprise and now I need a goddamn shower...cumming in my fucking pants," he said, sounding light and happy.

I pulled his face to mine and kissed him gently. "I really didn't intend to jump you."

He looked at me, doubting the very words that I just uttered.

"Okay, I did, but not right away," I said with a grin.

"Go start our shower, since you are the reason I have a wet mess in my pants," he said. His face was so relaxed and he was smiling at me, flashing those beautiful white teeth.

I pushed at him, "Then get your heavy ass off of me."

"Heavy?" he said loudly, digging into my sides and i immediately bucked.

"Oh my...Jasper...please...stop...babe...please...oh god...Jas," I was wriggling with all my might and finally, he let go, wiping the tears running down my face.

"Asshole," I muttered, pushing him away and he was laughing on the floor.

"Babe? Your tears are black," he said with a smirk.

Fucking great, I am sure I looked really fucking sexy right then.

"Well, don't fucking tickle me that hard," I said, sticking my tongue out at him before carefully making my way to the bathroom, trying to keep the grossness from spreading too far. When I looked in the mirror, I was a fucking mess. Black streaks on my face, swollen lips and my hair was half up and half down. Not a sexy picture at all.

Shaking my head, I turned on the water in the humongous glass shower and stripped out of my clothes.

"Guess I'm showering alone," I called out as I stepped into the hot water.

I stuck my head under the spray, letting it rinse off my face. I felt the cool air of the door as it opened and then Jasper's arms around my waist.

"You better not shower without me, you have to wash the cum off my cock," he growled, turning me quick and pinning me to the wall.

"Fuck," I gasped, amazed by the raw sensuality of the man in front of me, water dripping down his hard body and the piercing intensity of his eyes.

"Oh no worries, Edward, you will get fucked, more than once before this night is over," he said before flicking the ring in my lip with his tongue.

Jasper stared at my lips nearly a full minute before his eyes drifted up to mine.

"You have no idea how much you turn me on, do you?" he asked, reaching up to wipe under my eye.

"Never saw myself wanting someone who wore makeup," he said with a grin.

"I don't wear makeup, it's guy liner. I am not a fucking chick, Jas," I said menacingly, giving him the best glare I could under the circumstances. I was too happy to see him to really be mad.

His hand slid down my chest and took me in his hand, rubbing back and forth on the metal bar under my cock. I was so hard it hurt.

"No," he whispered against my mouth. "Definitely not a chick."

"Feels good," I said, closing my eyes as his hands stroked me slowly. Jasper buried his face in my neck and continued to move his hand up and down my aching cock. It had been so long since something besides my own hand had touched me. Six long weeks since the last time I saw him.

His hand cupped my balls, lightly rubbing them before sliding backwards. Neither one of us said a word, just savored the feel of touching skin to skin once again. Jasper's fingers trailed back and I hissed out loud when he pushed them against my entrance.

"Oh god, please," I begged, pushing down against his hand.

"Need to fuck you, so bad," he groaned. "Not here, in the bed."

Jasper's finger against my ass was making me crazy. I wanted him inside of me, needed it.

I held onto his body and felt so much passion and want and love.

Love!

Oh god.

"Jasper, baby, stop," I said, pushing his hands back.

He looked up at me with lust-glazed eyes, "What? Why?"

Jasper tried to move the hands I now had against his chest, but we needed to talk. I had to tell him before I let him inside me again. When he buried his cock in my ass I wanted him to know how much I fucking loved him.

"Because," I said in a muffled voice as he was trying to kiss me. "I want to talk to you." His lips were all over mine, trying to make me lose focus, but this was too damn important to me.

"Less talking, more fucking," he said, trying to grab my cock again before I scooted out of the way.

"Jasper!" I said, loud and clear. "Listen to me." It was hard to take me seriously when I was laughing, but I was trying.

"No," he said, trying to kiss me again.

"Yes," I said forcefully, taking his wrist in my hand. "Please?"

He let out a loud breath, "Fine, we'll talk." He was not all that happy to stop the shower fun, but I needed to do this or my nerves were going to get the best of me.

I pulled him close to me and hugged him under the shower.

"Thank you," I whispered in his ear.

"Yeah, yeah," he said, a scowl on his gorgeous face. "Just get showered."

He pushed his fingers into my hair.

"I love when your hair is soft, so I can run my fingers through it." He was making designs with the shampoo, making my hair go every which way he pleased.

"Are you having fun?"

"No gel tonight, okay?"

"I don't use gel, I use spiking glue," I said, acting offended at his lack of hair product knowledge.

"What the fuck ever. Just don't use it, leave it natural, well, as natural as blue hair can be...okay?" He stared at the strands of my hair as they ran through his fingers. He rinsed out all the shampoo and it was such an intimate thing. Things real couples did and my heart expanded.

I wanted it, forever.

We finished up our showers and put on some lounge pants. It was much better to have clothes on if we were going to discuss something important and this was going to be the most important talk we ever had.

Jasper poured himself a drink and sat at the edge of the bed, I grabbed a water and sat opposite him in a chair. My hands were shaking slightly as I tried to get the cap unscrewed. His eyes were on my unsteady fingers before his eyes flashed up to mine.

"What is it? Why are you nervous?" he asked.

He looked at me, almost fearful, his eyebrows drawn to a point between his eyes. I was trying to gather my wits to say what I wanted without sounding like a fool.

"Are you, is this...are we done?" he asked, looking confused and clenching the comforter in his hands.

"What? Done? Oh god no!" I said out loud. "Shit, no Jasper, we are far from done."

Shit, I was fucking this up already.

"Then what, goddammit?" he asked, irritated and nearly frantic.

"I just...I don't know how to say this, Jasper. So, I am just going to come right out and say it."

He closed his eyes, bracing himself for the imminent fall he was expecting.

"I'm in love with you, that's it."

His eyes flew open and he gasped.

"You're what?" he said, sounding baffled and confused. It wasn't the reaction I was hoping for and I was already backpedaling in my head, trying to figure out a way to take it back.

"Um, shit, I meant to say..."

"No!" he said, jumping up from the bed and kneeling in front of my chair. "Don't take it back, don't do that to me," he pleaded.

My heart was thundering in my chest and my throat was burning. Jasper was reaching for my hands and looking up at me.

"Jasper," I whispered, looking at the gorgeous man in front of me who looked as vulnerable as a child. "I am in love with you."

He stared at me for a minute or ten, I lost all sense of time looking into his deep blue eyes that were shining brightly. A huge smile transformed his face into sunshine, lighting up the room. He pulled my face down to his and kissed me, hard.

"God, Edward...are you sure?" he asked, a little bewildered by my statement and I was a little baffled by his reaction.

"Am I sure that I'm in love with you?" I ask.

Jasper shook his head up and down. I slid to the floor in front of him and took his face in mine. His skin was so warm, his face the one that I loved more than my life.

"Jasper, I have never been more sure of anything in my life." His eyes fell shut and he exhaled, his breath fanning over my face. I placed my lips on his and very slowly pushed my tongue into the wet heat of his mouth. He opened up under the push of my tongue and slid his languidly along mine, tasting and teasing...loving at our leisure.

Jasper's fingers burrowed into my hair, moving easily through the strands that were now longer then when we first met. The things I did for him. We laid on the plush carpet, kissing and smiling and touching. It was perfect, except for the fact that I still didn't know where we stood.

"Hey," I murmured between sweeps of his tongue through my mouth. "I'm not done talking." I rolled us over until I was on top of him.

"No talking," he murmured. "You love me." He kissed me over and over again until I was dizzy.

Grabbing his hands, I pinned them on either side of his head and pulled my mouth away. Jasper looked thoroughly kissed.

"I'm serious, please?"

He looked at my face and knew I was being serious.

"What is it, baby?" I watched his lips speak the words, hoping that after tonight, they would only be mine.

Taking a deep breath, I said, "I want you, Jasper. All of you."

"You have me," he said.

"No," I said, shaking my head. "You don't understand. I want all of you or nothing at all. I want to be the only one in your head and your heart. I don't want anyone else touching you, I don't want anyone else's hands on you. I want to be able to call you my boyfriend, my lover, my everything."

I looked down into his stunned face.

"That, Jasper, is what I want." Fear paralyzed me as I hovered over him. Now that I had gotten it all out, I was scared about what would come out of his mouth.

Jasper swallowed, but never took his eyes off mine. I watched a smattering of emotions move briskly across his face and then, a lone tear ran down the side of his cheek into his hair.

I closed my eyes, not knowing if it was a good tear or a bad tear.

Was it a "yes" or an "Edward I can't do this"?

I felt his breath whisper across my lips as he quietly said, "Okay."

The burn was back in my throat as I digested that one word that meant everything and nothing all at once.

"Okay you will be mine? Or, okay, listen, Edward, about that...?"

He brought my head down and kissed my lips then put his mouth on my ear.

"Okay, I'm all yours."

"Oh, thank god," I said before hugging him tightly to my body, loving the thump of his heart against mine. We rolled around on the carpet, kissing and tearing at our clothes until we were both in our boxers, needing so much more.

How much time passed, I couldn't tell, but I let Jasper feel everything I had been holding back. I whispered words of love as I held him close, laying my entire body on his, reveling in the fact that he was mine.

Our kisses led to a burning hunger in us both and when he stood up and reached a hand down, I knew it was finally time. I was going to make love with Jasper and I prayed that the connection I have been aching to feel would shine through.

Jasper laid me on the bed, looking down at me, a look of awe on his face as he pulled my boxers off. He bent over me and took my cock into his mouth, sucking his way down to the root and back up. His sapphire eyes smoldered as I watched him lick across the bar under my tip. If felt so goddamn good, I arched up slightly, keeping him in my sight.

Jasper's smooth lips kissed across from one hip to the other, leaving tiny bites along the way. He nuzzled the tight curls at my groin, touching with his fingers, inhaling and moaning. It was so erotic.

"I love the color you are here," he said as his fingers moved gently over my pubic bone. "It drives me crazy. Everyone else sees the black and the blue, but I know what lies underneath your clothes."

He placed a kiss right above my cock.

"When I see that wild dark copper color anywhere I get so hard and my mouth waters at the thought of burying my nose here while sucking you down." He took my entire cock in his mouth and did just that.

"Oh, fuck," I moaned as I felt his nose breathing into my groin.

Jasper pulled his mouth off and crawled up my body. He slipped his fingers into mine and gave me a look I had never seen in his eyes, they were bright like the sky and restless like the waves in the ocean after a storm.

"Edward, how did I get this lucky?" he asked, gripping my hands tighter.

"I'm the lucky one, Jasper," I told him, wrapping my legs around his waist.

"No, you aren't," he said, his eyes filling with emotion.

"I have done nothing to deserve you," he said.

"But Ja..." he silenced me with his lips.

"Shh," he said. "Let me finish or I will never get this out."

I nodded, willing my voice to stay silent.

"I have done things to drive you away, kept you out of my heart, used other men to keep you out of my mind because I didn't think this was ever going to be anything I wanted."

My gut was twisting at the mention of the other boys and I couldn't stop the tears from filling my eyes. He was killing this beautiful moment.

"A relationship isn't a feasible thing for someone like me, they just don't work and I never wanted to try, never wanted to care."

Twin tears rolled down my face as he kept going.

"There was something about you, Edward. From that first time I saw you I knew, you were different."

He leaned down and dragged his tongue up the side of my face, gathering the salt water into his mouth.

"I knew you were special, but still, I told myself that if I fucked you out of my system, I could go on. I would forget about the boy with the blue hair."

He ran his hand through my hair, kissing the top of my head.

"I could put out of my mind the boy with the black liner under his beautiful green eyes." Jasper leaned down and kissed each one of my eyelids that closed when his lips came near.

"I would no longer have to wonder why I found all the piercings so damn sexy when I found them so offensive before."

I gasped when he took my nipple ring and tugged it lightly with his teeth.

"I wouldn't have to think about the black ink permanently etched into the smooth skin of your body, making a canvas out of you, a piece of art to please the eye."

He turned me over and traced every bit of ink with his tongue, leaving me wet and more turned on than I ever had been.

"You have haunted my dreams, every night. I take myself in my hands and imagine they are you bringing me to the edge."

He slid down my body until he gently bit the top of my ass on each side and I moaned out loud, no longer able to keep silent.

"Most of all, I dream about being inside of you, desperate to be buried here," he parted my cheeks and placed his mouth against my ass, swirling his tongue slowly around the rim.

"Jasper," I cried out as I felt his tongue enter my body.

He slid his tongue in and out with long, slow strokes and I had never felt so worshiped in my entire life.

Jasper kissed his way up my back until he was lying on top of me.

"I'm ready, Edward. I'm ready to fall, knowing you will be there to catch me."

"Always," I said, turning my head to kiss the mouth saying those breathtaking words.

"I want to give you everything you have given to me and more Edward, I want to show you that I feel the same way, that you are all I will ever want or need."

"God, Jasper," I whispered, unable to say much more or risk losing my composure.

He rolled me over again and placed his hand on my heart. My hand covered his.

"I love you, Edward."

I couldn't stop the smile from splitting my face when he said the words that I was dying to hear. There were no words to describe the way the flames rushed through my body, lighting my soul on fire.

"I love you," he said again, his own smile matching mine.

"Love you too," I whispered.

"I want to give you something, so you know how I feel," he said, leaning down and kissing the end of my nose.

"I know how..."

"No, Edward,you don't," he interrupted.

He laid his head in the crook of my neck and stunned me with his words.

"I want you to have me, all of me. I want to give you the only thing I have left to give."

He took a shuddering breath.

"Edward, I want you inside me, to feel you, all of you, filling me, loving me. I've never...Edward, it's yours."

My gasp filled the room and I turned to face him.

"Jasper, you want me to what?"

He looked shy, which was a look I never thought I would see from the incredibly confident Jasper.

"Don't make me say it again," he said quietly.

"Are you sure?" I asked.

He nodded.

"You've never?" He shook his head.

Oh baby," I murmured against his lips. "I love you, so fucking much."

Our mouths met in a thrashing of lips and teeth and tongue. I devoured him, pouring my love into that kiss. It ignited something inside of me, it felt different than any of them in the past. The kiss took my breath away.

Jasper rolled us until I was on top of him, then reluctantly ended the kiss.

"I'm ready," he said, pressing his mouth to mine. "Let me feel you, Edward."

I looked down into his face and could see his determination, his readiness to give me this gift. It was such an honor, so precious, something to be cherished and I would treasure it always. Jasper was mine, I was his and together we could make this relationship last.

"Okay," I said, a slight smile gracing my lips. "I love you."

He smiled and said, "Here's your chance, fuck me."

I smiled even bigger, "I am not going to fuck you, I am going to love you."

He rolled his eyes, "You are a sap, besides, I always wondered what it was liked to get fucked by that piercing in your cock."

Now I was laughing, leave it to Jasper to kill the moment, but then, I had a feeling he could only handle so much emotion before he had to prove that he was Mr. Smooth and Confident.

"Can you shut up so I can make love to my boyfriend?" I asked.

His eyes lost their humor and desire set in once more.

"Please, I want this," he said, his voice husky and deep.

"I want you," I told him.

"You have me," he whispered.

I pressed my lips against his throat and kissed my way down his long, lean torso. Jasper was warm and tasted like perpetual summer, sweet, salty and refreshing. My mouth worked down to his navel and I dipped in for a taste. He was exquisite everywhere.

Jasper laid there, still and breathing deeply, letting me worship his beautiful body. My nose ran down the fine trail of hair to the dense blond curls that framed his cock. There wasn't any part of Jasper that didn't make my body throb for him.

Taking him in my mouth, I was finally rewarded with a moan from deep within his body. As my mouth licked and sucked at his long, thick cock, my hand slid under the pillow to retrieve the bottle of lube I had stashed there. Jasper was thrusting his hips up into my mouth and I let him gently fuck my face as I slicked my fingers and pressed one against his ass.

Jasper tensed briefly and then relaxed, focusing on the feel of his cock in my mouth. Gently, knowing this was new to him, I pushed the tip of my finger in. He hissed above me, tightening his ass around my finger, but I kept sucking and he slowly relaxed as I pushed all the way in. My tongue worked up and down his shaft as my finger pumped his ass.

When I felt him nearing his release, I slid another finger right in and he whimpered slightly. I knew he would have to be ready or he would never be able to handle this without hurting badly. My jaw was already aching, but I needed to keep him distracted from what I was doing.

Jasper's fingers gripped my hair and his legs opened a little wider. My fingers moved in deliberate, measured strokes and his body finally relaxed. My mouth engulfed his entire cock as I pushed my fingers deeper, hitting the spot I knew would make him see why I loved to be fucked so much.

"Oh fuck, Edward," he cried out, arching his back. "Don't stop, please...faster."

My cock was dripping onto the comforter and his words didn't help, but what my boy wanted my boy got.

I began hammering my fingers in, spreading them, stretching him and Jasper was thrashing underneath me. His moans and groans were loud and feral. It was so amazing, to be touching inside of his heated body, to feel him coming apart because of me.

My hand was starting to burn, but I kept on and then came my reward. Jasper screamed my name and then he came hard into my mouth, pulling my hair tight, bringing the sting of tears to my eyes. But I didn't care about the pain, I swallowed him down, licking him clean in the process.

I released him from my mouth, pulled out my fingers and reached for the condom. Once I rolled it down, I sat on my knees and looked at Jasper. He was a wild mess and I loved the look he had after cumming. He was mouthwatering.

"Are you ready?" I asked, stroking my cock with lube as he watched.

He looked at me, bit his lip and nodded.

I pushed his knees apart and slid a pillow under his ass. I opened him up and looked at the tight hole I was about to push into and my throat clenched. He was ready, there was nothing else I could do for him, but I knew, once we did this, there was no going back. We would be tied together forever, bodies, hearts and souls.

"I love you," I said as I put my cock at his entrance. Jasper was looking at me, his face a state of pure bliss. I held onto his legs and pushed the head into his body. His face lost the looks of bliss and immediately registered pain. It tore at my heart, I knew it would hurt and I hated that for him.

"I'm sorry, I know baby," I told him as I pulled back and pushed a little deeper.

Jasper closed his eyes and groaned, the tendons in his neck taut, his teeth grinding together. I sat there for a moment, soothing with my words, rubbing the sides of his legs.

All of a sudden I felt his legs wrap around me and he pushed me forward until I was buried to the hilt inside of him.

Jasper cried out my name and his face was agonizing, obvious pain etched in his features. I fell forward and kissed his lips, willing my hips not to move until he was ready. My tongue moved with his as I gave him kiss after kiss. His body slowly began to relax underneath me and he kept our mouths fused as he nudged me with his legs.

He was ready.

I slowly moved my hips back slightly and pushed forward. The pleasure rushing through me was monumental, never had sex ever been this electrifying, this mind blowing. My movements were careful and gradual, sliding in and out of him in long, sure strokes. All the while, Jasper never stopped kissing me.

I continued to thrust languidly, letting the intensity build until I thought I would die from the passion swirling around us. I moved my hands down to his cock and slowly stroked him back to life. Jasper was hard and silky smooth in my fist.

When the moment came when I knew I couldn't hold back anymore, I looked into his eyes and told him how much I loved him as my orgasm ripped through me. My body tensed and released, shooting hard, paralyzing me and then I felt it.

That feeling I had been craving on the nights when I was alone, thinking about my feelings for this man.

I felt the melding of our lives, the twining of our love, the forming of a bond that would never be broken, even in death.

It felt like I stepped off the cliff with him, with only our love able to save us.

I would never forget that feeling, that moment, for the rest of our lives.

Jasper watched the emotions play across my face, my hand never stopping as I brought him over the edge again.

"Edward," he said, his voice a whisper in the moonlight as he finally came. He was beautiful to watch.

Jasper pulled my body down and wrapped his arms around me. We laid there until my spent cock slipped out of his body and I got up to take care of it. I brought a warm washcloth back and cleaned Jasper's stomach, wiping away the last traces of our lovemaking.

Neither one of us said a word, we didn't have to.

I laid my head on his chest and felt his stomach rumble.

"Sorry," he said. "Someone made me work up an appetite."

I leaned over him, "Someone?"

"Sorry, my boyfriend fucked me into oblivion, that better?" he asked, that devilish smirk I loved firmly in place.

"Much," I said, jumping out of bed and pulling the tray over with the berries and champagne I ordered earlier.

"Were we planning my seduction?" he asked as he grabbed a handful of berries and started eating them.

"Not at all," I said before he shoved a berry into my mouth. The juices dripped down my chin and he kissed them off.

_And I was the sap?_

"I was merely hoping to celebrate that fact that I loved you," I told him, taking one more berry before laying my head in his lap.

Jasper ate more strawberries and ran his hand through my hair. I would never understand his fascination with my hair, but it felt so good when he combed through it.

"Thank you, Edward," he said, turning my face up to see him.

"For?"

"Everything, being you, believing in me, us and most of all, for loving me when I made my self unlovable."

I sat up and Jasper moved against the headboard.I climbed into his lap, placing my legs on either side of him.

"Well, you will just have to spend the rest of our lives being lovable then, huh?" I said playfully.

Jasper kissed me once, twice then rested his lips on mine.

"Forever, Edward, you have me for that if not more."

We fell onto the bed, a tangle of arms and legs and lips.

For the rest of my life I knew that there was nowhere else I would rather be.

* * *

**A/N: Yes, I went where I said I would never go...I deserve a fucking cookie. One more chapter left for these boys...**

**I am currently working on PSMW and my FGB one-shots simultaneously, so who knows which will come out first, it is all where inspiration strikes as of late. Life continues to get better, but there is still a lot going on.**

**I love and cherish all your reviews, even if I haven't replied back. I really do attempt to reply to everything, but my life has been insane.**

**I'm Not an Angel, A Kiss Before I Say Goodbye and When Strikers Collide were all nominated in the Slash Awards. Thank you so much to everyone who voted for them.**

**You can go vote here for your favorites.**

www(dot)theslashawards(dot)blogspot(dot)com


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